Button me with love

2009-08-02T09:31:00.001-07:00

I hate night time

2009-06-04T08:56:00.001-07:00

I hate night time because it makes you think
Think of what you've done
Think of whether you've made the right choice
Think of what the outcome will be if it was otherwise

Night time just makes one emo
Well, it used to be nice and sweet but no more
Poof
Night is now an escape for me, escape from this world
When the sun rise and shine brightly on me, i dread
I still want to sleep and sleep and run around happily in my land of no worries

I'm confused

2009-06-03T08:16:00.000-07:00

Am I who I am years back?
Have I changed for the better or the worst?
I would think it's the latter.

I've lost what I called Life.
I've lost happiness or simply cheerfulness
What's wrong with me, I know not.
I'm becoming weaker, more drawn back,
less approachable, and I'm just living each day routinely.

I'm a confused kid and mentally malfunctioning.
I may need to see a psychiatrist soon to tune me back to reality.
Or maybe it is just me.

Chrysanthemum tea, green tea, ice lemon tea?
I know not which to choose.
KFC, Carl's Junior, Macdonald's?
You decide.
Nice shorts? No?
Alright. I won't buy.
I'm easily influenced, I'm indecisive and I'm too dependent.
I've lost my own opinion, lost my confidence and my sense of self and importance.
Most of the time I prefer to be hiding in one corner or be transparent to people.
If only I possess the power of being invisible, life would be great.

If I die, would anyone notice that I'm missing?
.
.
.
.
.
Would you?

Update on my life!!

2009-05-25T03:00:00.000-07:00

Hi to all avid readers!! I'm back to crap!! Though i try hard to avoid blogging all about my life since it will bore you, but this is my blog; my personal open diary, so bare with me for a little while!!

Right now, this week is a crucial week for me. Not that i am under any critical medical condition but it's the week that everyone (me) will receive their local university's letters regarding their application outcome. My current status is that i am being accepted into SMU's social science school, gotten my rejection letter from NTU and haven't heard from NUS yet. Today, i just went down to NTU to hand them my supporting documents for my appeal and hopefully i'll get pass the administration office filtering session!! I just hope NUS could be a little more efficient as the interminable wait is really killing me!! Checking NUS website is like an everyday routine for me. I checked it the moment i wake up and again whenever i'm about to hit the bed.

So peeps, just pray for me!!! Really hope that i could get into economics because it is my passion and i really can't imagine a life in university studying other arts subjects such as language or sociology!! I had enough of remember names after names and writing long essays!! I'm sure to be at a disadvantage since i don't possess a strong grasp of language and i can't write essays very fluently and with flowery language!! So if i really can't get econs, i really don't know what to do!! I'm glad that NUS FASS is a general degree that does not focus on which course you want to take in the first year!!! Please please let me in!!

Moving on, my dearest baby had fallen ill and is still not well yet!!! I have tried all means to make him feel better such as googling and reading tons and tons of information on the internet regarding grass eating and bloated stomach!! I got more worried when the websites claim that bloated stomach is the seond killer after the first which is cancer. It would have caused a bomb if i brought harry to the vet as the doctor will need to insert a tube into his tummy and extract the excess air and if his stomach is twisted, he needs to go for a surgery to straighten it!! =( Moreover, I don't want him to go through all that and thus I seek help from Mr. Google. I typed 'home remedies for bloated stomach in dogs' and read through all the websites again, well most of it!! Seriously, i think i am suffering from internet hypochodriac. Don't know what that means? Try Googling!! (See.. i'm hopeless!!) Everything that i do not have answers to, i will Google it. Maybe i will die w/o google but by googling i really get to know what is wrong and it gives me relief as i will have a better control over it!! Knowledge overcomes fear!!

brb

Sociology lectures

2009-04-21T10:35:00.000-07:00

I quite enjoy sociology and might consider taking it as one module when i am able to (pray hard) secure a place in NUS. It's currently SIM's intensive revision period. Hence, lectures from the UK came down to lecture us. I love attending lectures by Britain lecturers as they speak clearly, fluently and they are very humorous. They know how to keep the class going and they know when to be humorous. It makes the lectures interesting and allows us to sustain through the 7 hrs lecture. One thing i find different about sociologists is that they do not follow rules and they go by their own experiences. For instance, my first socio workshop was by Steve Taylor. He believes that we should have a short break every half an hour or so. He gives us 5 to 10 mins break to go to the washroom and even asked us to text our friends or just chat with them. He believes that the student's attention span will decrease after 30 mins or so. Hence, the break. On the other hand, my second socio workshop was by Gosling Rosemary. She believes that students are more alert in the morning as opposed to the afternoon. Hence, she gave us only one break from 10-1pm and more during the afternoon. Though SIM gave them each instructions as to when we should take a break, they screw it and used their own methods.

The lectures are also interesting partly because they tell stories and site examples that are hilarious yet set us thinking. I'll list some examples below...

The Mas Salamat Story

When Gosling came to Singapore, she decided to get a better understanding of the current whereabouts of Mas Salamat. So she said that the best way was to ask taxi drivers, probably because they are often talkative and they seem to know alot but not all are true...

Taxi 1:
G:"Sir, i've heard a lot about Mas Salamat and i'm just curious about his whereabouts now. "
D:"Oh, everyone knows that he have escaped to Indonesia. There'e no way the authorities could find him. It's been so long. "

Taxi 2:
G: "Sir, i've heard a lot about Mas Salamat and that he is currently at Indonesia? Is that true?"
D: "Indonesia? No way, he is still in jail. "
G:"In jail? I thought there were news and posters everywhere looking for him? How can he still be in jail?"
D: "haha.. the authorities are just trying to strengthen our borders, raise awareness and create tighter security in the shortest time. The Mas Salamat escape is all fake. Singapore's security is so tight and it makes no sense that he could escape through the toilet. Nonsense."

Taxi 3
G:"Sir, i've heard a lot about Mas Salamat. Is he in Indonesia now or still in prison?"
D: "Oh all those stories you heard are not true. The truth is that he is dead!!!"
G: "Dead? What do you mean he is dead?"
D: "The authorities must've tortured him till he died in prison and they are afraid to let the public know because it'll just ruin its reputation. So, they faked that Mas Salamat escaped!!"

Taxi 4
G:"Sir, i've heard a lot about Mas Salamat and i'm just curious about his whereabouts now. "
D:"Oh, he has escaped from Singapore. Most probably in Indonesia. But i don't see how he could have easily escaped from Singapore's tight security checks and all. So, i'm guessing the authorities let him escape on purpose. They had probably implant a detector so they'll be able to catch the rest of the terrorist. "
G: "Now that make quite some sense"

Don't you think it's hilarious as to how they taxi drivers each got their own version of Mas Salamat whereabouts? Oh and i must say i added some extra comments in the dialogue because i couldn't remember all of them. haha.. But the story line is somewhat in that way. So which one do you think is true? I personally think what Taxi driver 3 said was true. I mean, how can Singapore's security be that lousy in that he could not only escape from the toilet, but also from the compound and from Singapore. It makes no sense. Moreover, he is limping??!! Thus, I'll most likely believe that he had died due to the torture inflicted onto him. They are just hiding the truth and escaping. Hoping that this issue will be forgotten soon which it is going to be soon.

Globalisation in terms of the airport and communication via the internet

Globalisation had made travelling so much easier. Now, people could travel anytime and anywhere with little documents needed. Last time, if you want to travel from UK to Singapore, you need at least 3 months of preparation. Most of the time goes into the preparation of documents and data, and the time needed to process it. Phew, don't you think we're lucky to live in the 21st century. =D

Technology has also became so advanced that we could send our message across to anyone at anytime and anywhere too. It also allows us to be able to get a speedy reply. Though it may be good, it had hasten our life. We're now expected to read our email daily and they expect a speedy reply too. Furthermore, there are vast ways of communications tools which caused many people to criticize that it had caused the younger generation o be less vocal and less able to express themselves in public. However, research has also shown that it had improved individual's level of communication skills. So, it pretty much works both ways.

Oh, one majot mistakes that students do and many journalists does is that they often say"Globalisation caused the financial crisis etc" but globalisation is a thing, it cannot cause anything. It is the process of globalisation that does.

to be continued... sleepy again.. =x

The ugly side of human beings

2009-04-15T02:24:00.000-07:00

I got out of my little shell and to my horror, i saw the one side of human behaviour that irks me and disturbed me, but sets me thinking.

Instance 1--At the food court
I was eating my dinner with my family and there's this guy who just began eating but unfortunately, he dropped his Chicken drum stick. I felt a tinge of pity for him as that was the main dish but i changed my mind because later he suddenly got up and moved to another table, leaving the unsightly mess there. Those people sitting at the next table felt disgusted and was gossiping amongst themselves. I can understand why they felt that way. Later, they got up to buy their food and left their grandma at the table so the seats will not be taken by others. That is perfectly normal. However, if you zoom out from the focus of the grandma image, you see a table with 4 packets of tissues, lined in a rather neat way that is placed in front of every seat. I mean arghhh.. I don't know why but i hate seeing tissues lying around like that. Much less with a person stationed there. It just gets my agitated. From this instances, i see the kaisu-ness in people and the utter inconsideration.

Instance 2--In the bus
Let me ask you a question, have you sat beside someone but when there was another empty seat, you decided to change seat? I think this is not a very nice thing to do as the one sitting beside you previously might think of reasons that had caused you to changed seats and these reasons often involved them. They might think if they stink, had bad breath or is disturbing you someway or another. But of cos, some people moved because of sunlight heating them up, the cold aircon or simply the comfort level. The one that irks me is when people moved because they are sitting beside someone of different race. I see it everywhere and sometimes i'm guilty of it too because i just can't take the unique odour that they emit. Well, i tried to withstand it but sometimes you know.

i feeling tired.. to be continued...

to be continued....

Just a bubble hanging above my head

2009-04-12T06:44:00.000-07:00

Like most people, i think about random stuff minutes before i surrender to the zzz monster.
Last night, i suddenly had the urge to head down to escape theme park. I miss the thrills and the heart drop rides. The only 2 rides that i feared most would be the water slide and viking. Yes, i said viking!! I know that is noob shit to everyone and most people think it's like sitting on a huge see-saw, but to me, my heart always drop whenever it swings down!!! =/ I hate rides that gives me a feeling of sudden drop, like my heart is still up there somewhere but i'm down already.

Anyway, it then led me to think why do people like to create roller coasters and rides that are near vertical, hangs you above the sea or lets you see the world below you? Is it the degree of thrill or are they trying to show people how fearful and scary it is to jump off from somewhere high? Are they trying to prevent suicide or the other way round?

Seriously, what do most people think of when they are sitting or standing at the edge of a tall building, attempting to commit suicide? Do they think about the reasons why they want to end their lives? Or think about their friends and family? That should probably be the first stage. I reckon the second stage would be the fear, and then those who have not sat on roller coaster that drops you down vertically will most probably take a step back eventually. As for those who had, they might think that hey, it's simply roller coaster w/o any seat and seat belt. It'll be hell fun and trilling if you just close your eyes, and of cos those are the ones who will take a step forward. So, think about it when you sit triller rides like these. A word of caution is not to sit too often as you might get use to it and when it comes to a point in time where suicide seems to be the best solution, you would take a step forward. Also, beware and show more concern to those that do not fear such rides; those who dare to raise their hands up high. They may look like a hero within that few seconds but they may disappear anytime if not enough love, care and concern is showered upon them.

That said, all the above points are just a penny of my thought. No references made and no particular hidden message. Just getting my neurons connected after i studied a night on sociology. I shall then end with a quote!! Peter Berger said that a sociologist should "see the general in the particular" and "see the strange in the familiar". I particularly loved all his quotes. =D

My exercise regime

2009-04-06T22:30:00.000-07:00

Yeah!!! I've finally got out of my comfort zone and started exercising to get rid of my fat tummy and thighs, and just to tone up my muscles!! =D

I think it has been about a year since i last exercised!!! =x Anyway, there are four factors that managed to spur me on to get started with my exercise regime.
1)My new nike running shoes.
2)My cute dearie.
3)The mirror
4)The weighing scale

So i've been running with my dear these few days and i must say it has been so long since i've felt so shag!!! We ran 2.4km for the first time and about 3km or more for the second run. Plus, Dearie chose a different route which is crazily tiring!! There are basically two long stretch of upslope which is hell draining.

Before the run, looking all happy and ready!!

After the run, still looking happy but shag!! haha..

Dearie's way of resting; reading news online!!

Us!! =D

Anyway, some people say that your thighs will get bigger if you run or that running doesn't help much in reducing those cellulite!! Thus, i've found a great video that could eliminate those unsightly cellulite!!

Check this out!!

Harry's little simple story!!!

2009-04-05T06:25:00.000-07:00

CHAPTER ONE

Harry is feeling excited with his new bone!!

After awhile, he suddenly felt bored and dropped the bone.

Then, he starts thinking.... about things i will never know.

But i guess that he is probably thinking of getting a gf but he can't and he started feeling emo.

After awhile, he started feeling sleepy!!

No point thinking about those issues and he starts to fall asleep....

Snores...zzzzz

When he woke up, he felt lonely again and decided to sit close to his imaginary gf. (a cute lil kitty cushion)

CHAPTER TWO

After 10 years of waiting, we finally got Harry a gf. Her name is Happy and she's a tan brown cocker spaniel.

Love quickly blossom between the two of them. Aren't they adorable??
And they got closer.... Harry's a happy man now!! =D

During nights of strong winds, they share the joy of wearing clothes tgt!!

When the wind gets unbearably cold, they cuddle together..

CHAPTER THREE

Ooppss.. harry forgotten to introduce his long time friend, it's a rabbit named "MIMI".

A clearer view of our adorable Mimi.

Being a gentleman as Harry had always been, he decided to share with Happy his long time friend. They were scared of each other at first but Harry patiently got them to talk to each other.

Not long, they started playing with each other. (check out Happy's flap up ear)

And they got closer. I believe the moment an animal allows the other to smell them, it means friendship. =)

After Happy became friends with Mimi, the three of them played happily together!! =D

The stamp of everlasting friendship...
~The End for story one~
I hope you enjoyed it and do stay tune for story two.. It'll be out soon!!! =D

Ching Ming Jie

2009-03-28T22:28:00.000-07:00

It's ching ming jie again!!
My whole family woke up at 4.30am despite sleeping at about 2am. We hurry gussied up and was done by 4.50am and immediately drove to my grandma's house to collect the necessary items. Later, we drove to Mandai Columbarium to visit my ah gong and did the step by step procedures. We came with the mentality that it would not be so crowded since ching ming jie is tentatively on April the 5th, but we were so wrong. It was packed and there were hardly any parking lots!!!

Anyway, we offered our prayers and burnt the stuff for my ah gong to use. =D During that period of time, i observed that people were burning yacht, LCD TV, credit card, cars and yada yada. This simply mean that as technology improved, there'll be more variety for ching ming jie. Maybe, there'll soon be wii and Xbox though i'm not sure if they'll know how to use it. However, fret not as there'll always be a manual attached to it and of course it will come in many languages. =D

Later, we ate breakfast at NTU hall 2 as usual and fill our tummy with hot tea/coffee and kaya toast. The breakfast there is really cheap!! Set A and B is selling at $1.50 and it consists of 3 kaya bread toast, 2 soft-boiled eggs and a coffee or tea, or 5 kaya bread toast and a coffee or tea!!! =D
After that, we went to visit my brother's hostel room and there was a cat there which followed us all the way to my brother's room. Only then did my brother said that his roomie even had a cushion laid on the floor for the cat to sleep on at night. However, according to my brother, it landed on my brother's bed, causing him to get shocked and was being woken up a few times. I'm worried for him as he does not get enough rest plus he has a sensitive nose that sneeze when in contact with too much dust or furs!!!

Right, later we drove to a temple located at Hougang to visit my Great grandparents. Did the same procedures and looked for my great grandparents tablet amidst the pool of tablets that laid there in a staircase form. We found it nonetheless and my big brother suggested that someone should invent a technology such that when you write down your loved ones names, the specific tablet will light up!!! Don't you think that would be cool!!! =D

Anyway, that's about it and i really should be sleeping now!!! Just awhile more!!! =x

Did you know?
-Ching Ming Jie means Clear and Bright festival or Tomb sweeping day in English.
-Every leap year, Qing Ming is on April 4.
-Qingming is a statutory public holiday in mainland China starting from year 2008.
-Qingming festival holiday has a lot of significance in Chinese Tea culture as these teas are prized for having much lighter and subtler aromas than those picked after the festival.
-You can offer your prayers online at http://www.xinzheng.gov.cn/web/bz.jsp (try it)

According to http://www.asiaone.com/Digital/News/Story/A1Story20080805-80764.html , it says that "There are now several websites in China and Taiwan dedicated to ancestor worship on the Internet, as well as thousands of online memorial halls. These prayer websites offer users the convenience of paying your respects from the comfort of one's home, with many featuring a special form they can fill in to send good wishes, messages and even presents to heaven (or hell)." I guess in time to come, ching ming jie will all be virtual due to the lack of land space but of course nothing beats waking up early in the morning and physically burn paper moneys etc. It is more sincere in a way as effort is put into it.

Alright, i've just finish gobbling up my green bean with sago dessert which means it's time for my beauty sleep. Mind you, i'm not a pig!!! I just had 2 hours of sleep last night!! hehe..

Night fellow citizens and be a good boy/girl and follow your parents during ching ming jie!!!

Reduce your carbon footprint

2009-03-28T21:54:00.000-07:00

Yes, earth hour!!! Have you heard about it? Earth Hour was first celebrated two years ago in Sydney, Australia, when 2.2 million people and thousands of businesses turned out their lights, allowing the message about climate change to shine brightly.In March 2008, Earth Hour went global. More than 400 cities, thousands of businesses and over 50 million people around the world turned off their lights for one hour to demonstrate their commitment to slowing the effects of climate change.

On March 28, 2009 at 8:30 pm tens of millions of people in hundreds of cities around the world will come together once again to make a bold statement about their concern about climate change by doing something quite simple—turning off their lights for one hour. Earth Hour symbolizes that by working together, each of us can make a positive impact in the fight against climate change.

Were you part of it?As for me, i can proudly say that i was part of it!! =) The moment the clock strike 8.30pm, i switched off all the lights in my house. Well, except the TV or it'll be pitch dark!! I ate my dinner in the dark while watching The Fast And the Furious on channel 5!! Cool but my eyes hurt a little after that. =/ Anyway, it was a great movie. Do be home at 7pm this Saturday to catch 2Fast 2Furious on channel 5, and do wave to Vin Diesel!! =x Anyway, while watching the movie in pitch dark, i didn't know what i was eating and i do hope that no fly nor insect flew onto my plate because if it did, I'm pretty sure i ate it (yucks!!)

Looking through my little window, I can say that Singapore is a tad darker during that particularly hour. =) Okay, I feel like a spokesperson for earth hour!! =x

Oh did i mention, my wonderful boyfriend told me that he switched off his car's headlights to celebrate the joyous occasion. haha.. I doubt he did that!! He's lying to me!!! =x

Shopping with my dar dar!!!

2009-03-27T11:40:00.000-07:00

The day started out fine as i waited for my dar dar's lecture to end. But luckily, during this period of time, there was a bazaar going on at NUS so i decided to shop instead of reading my sun zi bing fa!! There were lots of nice stuff and clothes!! But in the end, i only bought an orange dress which i'm not sure if i'll have the chance to wear it!! Just loved it!! hehe.. It cost about $19 though. =x

Right, after which we drove down to Jurong point to shop!!! On our way there, we were lost but my dear showed neither signs of panic nor confusion. This i truly admire as i'll always panic if i'm lost, especially in Jurong. In the end, we toured around Jurong and made a conclusion that the traffic light system there was terrible!! There was practically a traffic light every 100m and whenever we reach the traffic light, most of the time it turned red!!! Anyway, we finally see gleams of the railway line and followed it, arriving to our destination!!

oh the hilarious thing was that the radio station 98.7 DJ was promoting Jurong point and dar went "Yes, i know about it but where the hell is Jurong Point!!!" hehe..

So, we ate mac and started our shopping spree. We did enjoyed ourselves though we quarreled for a period of time. =( I bought a Nike sport shoe from Jurong Point which i will upload the picture later!! After that, dear drove me to Marina Square to get some nylon refill for my house's grass cutter!! Apparently, the DIY store at my house ran out of it and my grass was long enough to poke Happy's butt that she decided to poo all over the floor instead!! Oh and once again, dar dar was lost but he never did complain and i'm grateful for his effort!! Thank you dear!!! =D

Later, we drove to East point as we were still arguing but after we talked about it and dar dar gave me a hearty hug cos i was sobbing, and everything was fine again. Plus, he gave me a surprise by insisting on going to east point as there was a pet shop there. Well, i love dogs and i guess he submitted to the fact and decided that it might cheer me up and it did!! My dear just knows me so well!! =D At East point, we bought some stuff from Watson's and my rabbit food from the pet's station!! After that, we played ghost squad together and oohooo it was really fun!! We make a great team together!! =D

That's about it i guess, feeling kind of sleepy right now!! Anyway, thanks dear for everything that you've done today!!! I love you!! =D I hope you'll get well soon and i'm sorry for making you shop the whole day despite your tiredness, causing you to fall ill!! =( Get well soon k!!

Nice?? It cost me $111 .2o after a 20% discount!! It's light and i need it because i need to lose weight!!! Bye bye fat thighs and tummy!! =x

hey, i look kind of natural in this picture, taken in NUS toilet while i was trying it on because i felt weird going out like that since the toilet was often crowded!! =/

Nice?? it cost $19 bucks!!

Shaver for my pits!! =x It cost me $14.95 and i hope it will be a satisfactory product!!

Iron straightener for my *boom* hair!! it cost me $42.90!! Pretty cheap i guess but something was missing inside so i have to go back to exchange it soon!! =(

Straightening cream!! I hope it works wonders and give my hair a silky, straight and shiny look!! =x Am i too demanding??

Tree top walk with my family!!

2009-03-26T08:59:00.000-07:00

Never imagine this could happen since it's always quite difficult to wake everyone up early in the morning!!!

Nonetheless, we did and ate donuts for breakfast!! =D Then my brother drove to Rifle range road and it took another 10 minutes or so to drive to our destination. From there, we started our journey towards the tree top!! The air was fresh and the weather was great; not scorchingly hot!! =)

It was pretty much like a jungle walk just that there was a distinct path due to frequent human trekking on it, causing the grass to shoo aside. So we climbed over humps, walked down scary slopes and finally reached our destination. After which, we had to walk all the way down again!! By then, everyone was perspiring like a pig!! hehe..

I'll upload some pictures!!

The walk just began!!

What is my brother pointing at??

Monkey spotted!!

The tree that seem kind of scary to me!!

We're enjoying the walk so far!! =D

hehe.. My dad started running when i said i will give him $100 dollars if he still could!!! Isn't my daddy just cute!!! =)

Evidence!!

We made it to the tree top!!

I spotted a man who decided that the air was so refreshing that he must lie down to fully enjoy it!! But of course he got up immediately if people wants to walk past!!

A rare looking wormy fell onto my brother's pants!! =x

The overall road map!!

My sexy butt!! =x

The aftermath; shoes with flappy soles!!

A clear view of our shoes!!

Sinful indulgence after our morning exercise!! =x

Sleepy and tired after the walk!!

macdonald's!!! =D

The day i got abandoned by the streets of loneliness

2009-03-23T10:03:00.000-07:00

Today, i went shopping for TY's present at parkway for about an hour and was suppose to eat lunch there. But dar wanted to eat aston's or chai fan at pasir ris instead. So he picked me up at parkway and we decided to eat at aston's!!! I totally miss the herb spice fish!!! =D totally heavenly yummy!! Dear ate grilled chicken and he gobbled up the food like there's no tomorrow as he had not eaten breakfast; considering that our lunch was at 2 plus. We chatted the whole day about everything and anything.. =D and thanks for the treat dar dar!!!

I wished the instances above had happened but i'm afraid it's very much the reverse.

He picked me up at parkway and i gave him a rather sleepish, heck care and whatever attitude cause i was angry that he didn't accompany me to shop, though i was the one who decided that he should stay in school to do his work as that would be more productive. But, i truly wanted him to accompany me too. Who wants to be lonely?? Plus, the last few days, he had been busy with his game design, projects, games, school and friends that i hardly had a long conversation with him on the phone and on msn. Most of the time he sleeps late and does not msg me goodnight which we always do. We hardly talk on msn and he doesn't msg me anymore though i said "message me if you miss me".

i was frustrated and angry (maybe i was pmsing) for the past 2 days or so. Whenever we meet, he'll get pissed off looking at my ugly attitude. Today, i had probably gone over his limit. So, the event went by as he picked me up from parkway, we talked a lil about lunch which i asked him to decide in a very heck care tone. We gave each other cold shoulders and despite me lying on his lap, he drove me back to my house. I was confused and asked him to drive to somewhere so we could eat. I insisted that we eat lunch tgt since he said he was hungry. After much argument, he drove me to my house's hawker centre and asked me to leave. I hesitated for a moment and left because he stopped at the bus lane. Fine, i slapped the door and started walking, walking, walking to god knows where under the hot scorching sun with a sweater on. I was frustrated, boiling and pissed off. How can a guy just dump me on the streets like that!!!

But after much mind talking to myself, i realised that it was my fault. I always irritate him despite the fact that he was feeling tired and hungry due to late night sleeps and project work in the morning.

I'm sorry dear, and i hope you'll forgive me soon but i still think we should still take a break. Maybe a one week break from each other to cool things down.

I'm sorry.............

A new blog, a new life!!

2009-03-15T10:06:00.000-07:00

Yes, a new life!! I've finally crossed the long bridge that had hindered my goal upon the paper chase. I've done what many people would never dare to do, took a risk by gambling my life and money. If you're a stranger reading this, let me explain to you. In year 2007, i did terribly for my A levels which i had much expected. But it is rather weird as i felt that i had studied a great deal for the big exam. Well, i studied with my friends at mac though and maybe that was the reason behind the lousy grades. I can now safely say that i'm the kind of person whom will be most productive when i'm alone. So, when i saw my lousy result slip, i just blanked out and cried. A myriad of reasons encompass my emotions.

For one, I came from a Normal Academic background during my secondary school days but i fought hard and i wanted to get into an express class during my transition from secondary 2 to 3. However, i did not fulfill the criteria, but, i did not resign to my fate of being defined as a hopeless bunch of students who only knew how to create trouble.( a stereotype people imprinted on students in NA and NT). I fought hard and finally achieved excellent grades for my O level exam which opened new doors of opportunity, a new route with better and nicer concrete walkway. Of course i went for the better path and landed in TJC. I loved the school and the people i mixed around with but i realized that i was not the same as them. Not only in terms of age but in terms of the level of intelligence and capability. Moreover, i do not possess a strong grasp of language and thus, it was to my disadvantage as i am studying an arts course (which i do not have a choice). Thus, i was struggling with people who came from elite schools. I felt that i could not blend in at first and teachers look down on me. (maybe due to my inferiority complex) That had caused me to lose my fighting spirit as i felt i could not compete with them as i'll always be cushioning them to better grades.

After receiving my A levels certificate, i decided to resign to my fate and was enrolled into SIM. However, i reconsidered and i'm not contented just being in SIM. I'm not saying that i condemn the school but everyone aim to climb a step higher if they could right? Thus, at the same time i decided to enroll as a private student and retook my A levels in 2008.

So, i became a full time mugger and hired a few tutors to get the ball rolling. I'm glad i did get tutors or i'll probably lose interest in my studies as i've studied it before!! Indeed, there were times i got exhausted and worn out and sick of people telling me to study whenever they see me relaxing!!! But i overcome all forms of stormy waters with the help of my unique float; my wonderful boyfriend that i had met in the early months of last year.

He gave me the strength to continue, encourage me when i was down, fedex over bubbletea and food to my door step when i told him that i decided to study till the wee hours, sent me to serangoon every week for my econs tuition, pop by once in awhile to surprise me, take me out to the beach to relax and simply stayed by my side to accompany me when i was stress. He tolerated my temper, my sudden mood swings, my unreasonable arguments and my selfish attitude. After all these months, he taught me a lot of life values which i cherished but often forgot to act it out. One of them was to "never take someone for granted" which i've always do. I vent my anger and frustration on him, did not consider that he needed to study as well, always wanted him to be by my side when i needed him but i always seem to disappear whenever he needed me. Nonetheless, i am really grateful that he still loves me so deep despite all the unhappy events which he should not be going through.

Xelrr, i just want to say a big THANK YOU to you!! You must have been an angel sent by god to protect me and give me strength to move on. I love you!!! Always have and always will even though we argue and i tend to be unreasonable most of the time.

Finally, time flew by and it was time for me to take my first A level paper!! I was scared, i was nervous but my dar probably knew how i felt and made an effort to wake up at 6am to pick me up from home and send me to TPJC!! Not only for the first paper but for every other paper and he sent me back home too. Sometimes, he gets so exhausted that he skipped school for sleep and i felt sad but am grateful for the things he did. I've never really told him how i felt, never really thank him for all that he had done other than treating him to dinner etc. maybe i'll write it down here and hopefully he'll read it and i know he will.

Dar,
I know that ever since you met me, you life had changed quite drastically. Of course there were times of joy, times where we lovey dovey and electrify each other (tingling feeling) but most of the times were stormy and bleak. You had to go through the high barriers set by my family and friends which you had never experienced before since i'm your first and only gf. Moreover, your results dropped drastically as you selflessly devoted your time for me. i really appreciate it and am feeling ashamed at how i treated you all these while. I'm really sorry for everything and i seek your utmost forgiveness. Once again, thank you baby, I REALLY LOVE YOU....

Anyway, time flies again to the stage where the A level's results was to be released!! I was hell scared that i even dreamt about taking exams and receiving results for 3 consecutive days!!! Even before looking at the results, i broke down and cried. But thankfully my dear was there for me again!!! =D He made me felt better by laughing at me!!! (ROAR) So i finally got the courage to log on to the seab website. I decided to view my results bit by bit as i was not confident of passing my lit and GP. =( So firstly, i saw a FAT E for my GP (sigh), then i saw a Donkey D for my math (sigh again), then finally i saw a C for my literature!! (hurray), moving on a B for my Geo (hurray again) and an A for my econs (woopeeee)... I was so happy that i screamed and teared again, hugged my dear and dance around like a lil kid who had just received a huge lollipop!! hehe..

So that's that, my risk was worth it but everyone said that i had wasted money on SIM. But if i failed, they would've said "luckily she enrolled into SIM so she doesn't have to waste one year". Presenting to you a weird species called "humans"...

Hurray again!!!!! Life has just changed for me, for the better i hope!! I definitely don't want to be cushioning people again so i'm not going to try business (i have lil chance to get in anyway) and opt for Economics as my first choice!! Wish me luck peeps!!!

2009-03-14T07:23:00.001-07:00

hihihihi!! Testing out my new blog!!! =D